I like glitter and sparkly dresses
But I'm not gonna talk about that
In my monologue

I like baking and things that smell like winter
But I'm not gonna talk about that
In my monologue

La la la
La la la

I like writing songs about douchebags who cheat on me
But I'm not gonna say that
In my monologue

I like writing their names into songs so they're ashamed to go in public
But I'm not gonna say that
In my monologue

La la la la la la la
This is my musical monologue

You might think I'd bring up Joe
That guy who broke up with me on the phone
But I'm not gonna mention him
In my monologue

Hey Joe, I'm doin' real well
Tonight I'm hosting SNL
But I'm not gonna brag about that
In my monologue

La la la
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
La la la

And if you're wondering I might be dating the werewolf from Twilight
Hi, Taylor!
I'm not gonna comment on that in my monologue

La la la la la la la
This is my musical monologue!

You might expect me to say, something bad about Kanye
And how he ran up on the stage and ruined my VMA monologue

But there's nothing more to say
'cause everything's okay
I've got security lignting the stage!
It's my SNL monologue

La la la la la la la
This is, my SNL monologue

La la la la la la la
That was my SNL monologue!