There are three, three, three kinds of erections
Some are sexual
Some occur during periods of nervous tension

But there's a mysterious third kind
That no one really understands
It happens when your shlong decides
To take matters into its own hands

No reason boner
No reason boner
It baffles scientists
No reason boner

This morning I was having breakfast
At the midtown diner
The bagel was delicious
And the coleslaw couldn't be finer

I got a weird look from the waitress
When I asked her for the check
I looked down an realized
I was one hundred percent erect

No reason boner
No reason boner
I like coleslaw but not that much
No reason boner

Now things are a little awkward
Between my mailman and I
That was not my best lie
I was just covering up for my

No reason boner
No reason boner
That was the wrong kind of package to mail
No reason boner

This is no laughing matter
This is not some kind of game
I can tuck away my johnson
But I can never tuck away the shame

It can happen anytime
It can happen anywhere
When the loch ness monster
Decides he wants to randomly come up for air

No reason boner
No reason boner
You're ruining my life
No reason boner

No reason boner
No reason boner
Why?