Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em all around

I make my living off the evening news
Just give me something, something I can use
People love it when you lose
They love dirty laundry
Well, I could've been an actor, but I wound up here
I just have to look good; I don't have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear
Give us dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em all around

We got the bubble-headed bleached-blonde
Comes on at five
She can tell you 'bout the plane crash
With a gleam in her eye
It's interesting when people die
Give us dirty laundry
Can we film the operation?
Is the head dead yet?
And all the boys in the newsroom
Got a running bet
Get the widow on the set
We need dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em all around

Dirty little secrets
Dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pies
We love to cut you down to size
We love dirty laundry
We can do the innuendo
We can dance and sing
When it's said and done, we haven't told you a thing
We all know that crap is king
Give us dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em all around