If I like it, I'm in trouble, if I love it, I'm dead
Why does everything fun put a gun to my head?
If it thrills me, it'll kill me, pull me six feet deep
If the apple's so bad, why's it taste so sweet?

I went cocaine to Cola, straight to bottled water
I went diesel to electric, but the globe is gettin' hotter
I can't even watch porn, 'cause it's bad for my wrist
And if liquor's so evil, why's it stopping the twitch?

I went dairy to almonds, straight to being vegan
'Cause they told me it was murder, and I don't like to beef
And I can't even shop at Walmart 'cause they're callin' 'em crooks
And I would love to read about it, but they're bad in the books

If I like it, I'm in trouble, if I love it, I'm dead
Why does everything fun put a gun to my head?
If it thrills me, it'll kill me, pull me six feet deep
If the apple's so bad, why's it taste so sweet?

If I like it, I'm in trouble, if I love it, I'm dead
Why do all the best drugs leave me shaking in bed?
If it thrills me, it'll kill me, pull me six feet deep
If the apple's so bad, why's it taste so sweet? (Ooh-ooh)
Ooh, taste so sweet (ooh-ooh)

Went from stripper to girlfriend, straight to being single
Now my mom is disappointed, set me up on Christian Mingle
Video games are killing my brain cells
All the fun girls don't even play well

Shit (well, shit), okay (okay)
The internet says you're fucked anyway

If I like it, I'm in trouble, if I love it, I'm dead
Why does everything fun put a gun to my head?
If it thrills me, it'll kill me, pull me six feet deep
If the apple's so bad, why's it taste so sweet?

If I like it, I'm in trouble, if I love it, I'm dead
Why do all the best drugs leave me shaking in bed?
If it thrills me, it'll kill me, pull me six feet deep
If the apple's so bad, why's it taste so sweet? (Ooh-ooh)
Ooh, taste so sweet (ooh-ooh)

If I like it, I'm in trouble, if I love it, I'm dead
Why do all the best drugs keep on killing my friends?
If it thrills me, it'll kill me, pull me six feet deep
If the apple's so bad, why's it taste so sweet?