Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today, Madam,
Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today,
She's so sorry to be delayed,
But last evening down in Lover's Lane she strayed, Madam,
Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today, madam,

When she woke up and found that her dream of love had gone, Madam,
She ran to the man who led her so far astray,
And from under her velvet gown,
She drew a forty-four pistol,
And she shot that dirty rascal down, Madam,
Now, Old Lady Otis regrets she's disabled and she can't lunch today.

And the moment before she died,
She lifted her lovely head and cried, "Oh, Madam,
Miss Otis regrets she's unable to lunch today."