What we need in the world today
Is a guide for the married man
It's a simple thing that in every way
Will provide for the harried man

Help him not to worry
Assist him to relax
Help him slow his hurry
And spare him of the ax!

Such a guide would in many ways
Turn the tide for the married man
Enable husbands to fill their days
As only the married can

Every man would praise it!
It's such a splendid plan!

Someday soon we should point with pride
To the guide for the married man!

(Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba)
(Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba)

By the side of the married man
Is the lady who shares his life
It will help the bride of the married man
By removing the husband's strife

Every wife is truthful who treasures married bliss
Must keep her husband youthful
What better way than this?

Each and every device we know
Should be tried for the married man
And who can question the debt he'll owe
To the guide for the married man

This thing's universal
From Pittsburgh to Japan
And every man can be satisfied
By the guide for the married man!

(Ba ba ba)