Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark
Trying to save paper

Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose

Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man

His sister Pam works in a shop
She never stops
She's a go-getter

Takes him out to look at the queen
Only place that he's ever been
Always shouts out something obscene

Such a dirty old man
Dirty old man