There is a house in Penang
So well known to the old gang
Brace yourselves, take up the slack
In our mouths, the rubber bits
Then exposed whereon one sits
First the swish and then the crack

I've a predilection, a liking for the pain ]
Of a taste of the cat and a touch of cane ]
Oh, play up, play up and play the game ] (Chorus)

Had the preference since school
Simply had to break the rules
Short sharp shocks, ah, swish, swish, swish
Shirt tails up, long shorts down
In a sleazy part of town
Broke a tooth? - then make a wish

(Chorus)

Much it costs, this little treat
It's the high point of the week
One more drink - anaesthetised
It's a very private show
Over the table we now go
Perk your bottoms and roll your eyes

(Chorus)