Well my baby came at me with a 2x4
So I fought her off with sandpaper
It was 60 grit, it was really rough
And it made a lot of sawdust

But we patched things up with love and glue
We went to the church and said "I do"
Our honeymoon was at a hardware store
Our love's a lot like particle board

Particle Board, it ain't got no grain
Unless you paint it with a darkwood stain
Particle Board, it doesn't take no brains to know that
Our love's a lot like particle board

Well I heard the train come rolling by
With cattle on board, so we decided
We should drop everything and hop that train
And take a one-way trip to the slaughterhouse

Well we stared at the cattle as they took the walk
To meet the man who worked the saw
We stared at the blood and the guts and the gore
It looked an awful lot like particle board

Particle Board, it ain't got no grain
Unless you paint it with a darkwood stain
Particle Board, it doesn't take no brains to know that
Our love's a lot like particle board

We made love on a flat bed truck
She worried about getting splinters in her butt
I said don't think about those problems when we rut
The deck's made of particle board

Ahh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Particle board, you could make a dresser
Or a shelf or a hutch or an ottoman
You could leave it like it is or paint it up
It's still gonna be made of particle board
Particle board, it's useful stuff
It's stronger than glue, it's better than fluff
It sounds like a simile and that's enough
To say that our love's a lot like particle board

Our love's a lot like particle board
Our love's a lot like particle board
Our love's a lot like particle board

Ahh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Particle Board!