Shopping spree for the family tree,
Haven't seen your family tree in quite a while!

Too many sandwiches and wine,
Sherry stains down your best mans tie,
What a speech.

The band arrives, the granny's cry,
Singers tongue's in the barmaids mouth,
What a voice.

Grandpa drunk a drop or two,
His heads still stuck in the portaloo,
What a man.

You bought a sequin dress for your chicken breast,
The disco's late and he's overpaid tonight,
You got a diamond ring,
And the man who sings,
The man who sings made love to the barmaid twice,
And that's just tonight

The blue rinsed hairs lift up the chairs,
The bands too loud they're off down stairs,
What a noise.

The bride and groom they dance their dance,
And the singer mimes "there's still a chance",
The barmaid smiles

You bought a sequin dress for your chicken breast,
The disco's late and he's overpaid tonight,
You got a diamond ring,
And the man who sings,
The man who sings made love to the barmaid twice,
And that's just tonight

You bought a sequin dress for your chicken breast,
The disco's late and he's overpaid tonight,
You got a diamond ring,
And the man who sings,
The man who sings made love to the barmaid twice,

Ha! Grandpa drunk a drop or two,
His heads still stuck in the portaloo again!

The bride and groom they dance their dance.
The singer mimes "there's still a chance tonight"
and the barmaid smiles.