If the lady's naughty but proper (you say)
If the lady's chic-er than chic (there you)
If her escorts must wear a topper
And each man's the man of the week
If she rides around in a brand new foreign car
The chances are
(The chances are what, bill?)
The lady's a star (fuck you)

If the lady's utterly charming
If the lady's chummy with kings
If her whims are close to alarming
And it's known she's thrown a few things
If they've got a drink with her name in (where?) in Jilly's bar
The chances are
The lady's a star

If her smallest party is really expensive
With tons of expensive caviar

If the lady is
Someone
With the same credentials
Someone
With the same essentials
Someone
Who is worshipped from afar
She's a genuine
(What's next?)
Positive
(Right!)
Totally
Marvelous
Perfectly
Wonderful
She's a great big... Come on
Come on