Romantic relationships are always available... at $75 an hour.)

He makes me smile when I am blue
He gives me answers when I really haven't got a single solitary
clue
He makes my troubles seem so small
He so handsome, dark and tall

He doesn't judge me when I regress
His words are cloaked in tenderness
He's the lover I've never kissed
Oh, no... I'm in love

He helps me strengthen my resolve
There's not a problem he can't solve
He's always cheerful, he's never a grouch
Ooh, I wanna lay down on his couch

We get along like soup and salad
He reassures me that my anger is valid
He thinks it's good when I get pissed
Oh no... I'm in love with my therapist

My friends encouraged me to get some therapy
'Cause when you left me I was such a mess
I thought life held no more for me
'Til he opened up his door to me
And I found myself surrounded by his sympathy

He reinforces my self-esteem
He likes to analyze my dreams
He always listens when I speak
I wish I could afford to see him
More than once a week

He lets me try out different roles
He pushes me to set some goals
Each hour we spend together is total bliss
Oh no...

My friends encouraged me to get some therapy
'Cause when you left me I was such a mess
I thought it was the end for me
'Til he became a friend to me
And I found myself astounded by his empathy

He's got diplomas on his wall
There's fresh-brewed coffee down the hall
He's begonias on his window sill
And kleenex enough for a nuclear spill

He calls it "progress" when I cry
Oh what a sweet and sensitive guy
Why couldn't you have been like this?
Oh no... I'm in love with my therapist