Hello Johnson your mother once gave me a lift back from school
- That's no reason to get so excited
I'd been playing football with the youngsters, Johnson says don't dramatise
- And you can't even spell salacious
In a caravette with such a pretty widow, but wheels aren't there to be looked at.
- And it's cheap to say that she's delicious
When she's someone's daughter

Horse chimes so stupid and so mean
On the offensive all wolf whistle and jeans
Horse chimes they neigh they never bell
All straw and piss they never kiss but tell
Horse chimes - Coarse times are here
And don't I know it, and I'm ashamed
And you won't say it, that we're to blame
And I must change

There is a saying tailormade for her she is the apple of your eye
- Lord don't smother her in soapy feelings
You buy a pedestal only to rest it in a wheelchair
- Beauty can't be beauty 'till it's dying
And I think I'll die unless I kiss you, please don't murder me
- Hark I hear the ghost of feeling leaving
- And you know what pushed her

Horse chimes so stupid and so mean
On the offensive all wolf whistle and jeans
Horse chimes they neigh they never bell
All straw and piss they never kiss but tell
Horse chimes - Coarse times are here
And don't I know it, and I'm ashamed
And you won't say it, that we're to blame
And I must change