I knew when I first met him
That I never would forget him
To find a beauty such as he in my bed was rare
To sleep with him I was excited
But later I was less delighted
When I found that special present
He left in my pubic hair

Now it's a crabby day, unhappy day
I'll never forget him I'm sad to say
Leave me alone
I'm having a crabby day

So to the drugstore without haste
To solve the problem below the waist
Then the laundromat to disinfect my clothes and sheets
Walking home who do I see
But the guy who gave those wretched vermin to me
He quickly runs to the opposite side of the street

Now it's a crabby day, unhappy day
To be treated in such a shabby way
Gimme a break,
I'm having a crabby day

At home a message is waiting
From a boy I've been contemplating
He's leaving town for a month and wants to see me tonight
After the lotion's been applied
Can I be sure every one of those critters has died
Or take the risk of passing them on
for a long-awaited night

It's such a crabby day, unhappy day
Why did he have to call today
Get me out of this
I'm having a crabby day