Phlegm lapels for the last time
Corn beef legs for the last time
Oh, we're so glad
That you've finally decided

But then you see someone new
And you want someone new
So you have someone new
I don't blame you
We would all do the same as you
If ever we had the nerve to

Chips with cream for the last time
The People's Friend for the last time
Oh, we're so glad
That you've finally decided

Tiny striped socks for the last time
Pokes and prods for the last time
And the doctor said
"Don't nod your head until June!"

But then you see someone new
And you want someone new
So you have someone new
I don't blame you
We would all do the same as you
If ever we had the chance to

Sick at noon for the last time
And who is going to clean up?
Would you be so kind?
Oh, everybody's staring
At the strange clothes that you're wearing

Bad advice for the last time
And people being nice for the very first time
Oh, we're so glad
That you have finally decided!