Happy hour highballs at half price
Tequila and vermouth without ice
Peanuts first
To stimulate a thirst
A simple effective sales device
Chorus:
But I'm not going to take another drink
I'm never going to take another drop
I said it last night and the night before
But this time I'm really going to stop

Fine old Bristol sherry we've quaffed
Got sossled, got maudlin and we've laughed
Boozy and beery
Stinking and leery
Drinking real ale sold on draught

Chorus

It makes you fat and fuzzy in the head
And I'm sick of drinking alka seltzer every night before I go to bed
Lemonade's fine
With just a touch of white wine
So maybe I'll drink that instead

Chorus