Ladies and gentlemen
Welcome to the disclaimer
That's right, the disclaimer
This American apple pie institution
Known as parental discretion

Will cleanse any sense of innuendo or sarcasm
From the lyrics that might actually make you think
And will also insult your intelligence at the same time

So protect your family
This album contains explicit depictions
Of things which are real

These real things are commonly known as life
So, if it sounds sarcastic, don't take it seriously
If it sounds dangerous,
Do not try this at home or at all
And if it offends you, just don't listen to it