O a comical genius was thinking one day
How he'd jack up his job and receive handy pay
He did not like begging and work was too hard
So he got a bright notion to join up the guard
Diddly-i-dum diidly-i-dum diddly-i-dum dum day

Well he went up to Dublin, to the depot went in
Got a new suit of blue as bright as new pins
They drilt him, they drilt him, they drilt him so hard
The old sergeant proclaimed him a full fledged guard
Diddly-i-dum diidly-i-dum diddly-i-dum dum day

He was stationed somewhere near the town of Athy
On the roads of the district he kept a close eye
The girls they admired him as all brassers do
Fell in love with the guard and his new suit of blue
Diddly-i-dum diidly-i-dum diddly-i-dum dum day

Well the girls they would wink and they'd nod as he passed
O but this itchy guard had his eye on one lass
And this little colleen, she being a die-hard
She made it quite clear that she wanted no guard
Diddly-i-dum diidly-i-dum diddly-i-dum dum day

Well one time while on duty on a cold winter's night
Sure he caught her out cycling without any light
Where's your light, miss? says he; for an answer says she
It's next to me liver, where you'll never be
Diddly-i-dum diidly-i-dum diddly-i-dum dum day