I have a friend who's gone
And joined some crazy new religion
He's so caught up that he don't know which way is up
You know the saying that
There's no saint like a former sinner
Now he's evangelising everyone he meets
Including me

I hope it makes you happy
I hope it makes you feel real good
I hope it makes you happy
But even then you'd better knock on wood
Now let it be understood
I wanna be understood

Another girl I know's loves hanging with cosmetic surgeons
She's on a first-name-basis with the cutting edge
Now she's addicted to the thrill of multiple procedures
Looks in a mirror but she doesn't see herself
There's no-one else!

My neighbour's getting into transcendental meditation
He's found the inner-peace that many of us seek
But I'm not cut out for a life of quiet contemplation
'Cos when I navel-gaze I only turn up lint
Well, it makes you think

Can I get a witness?