We've been datin' since high school
We never once left this town
We used to go out on the weekends
And we'd drink till we drowned
But now she's actin' funny
And I don't understand
I think that she's found her
Some other man

Chorus:
She left me for Jesus
And that just ain't fair
She says, "That he's perfect."
How could I compare
She says, "I should find him."
And I'll know peace at last
But if I ever find Jesus
I'm kickin' his a**

She showed me a picture
All I could do was stare
At that freak in his sandals
With his long purty hair
They must think that I'm stupid
Or I don't have a clue
I bet he's a Commie
Or even worse yet a Jew

Repeat Chorus

She's givin' up whiskey
And taken up wine
She prays for his troubles
And forgot about mine
I'm a gonna get even
I can't handle the shame
Why the last time we made love
She even called out his name

Repeat Chorus

It could have been Carlos
Or even Billy or Ted
But if I ever find Jesus
He's gonna wish he were dead
Ahhh, man