Dave079, on the couch
He finds a little fire in his heart
Thumbs on glass, he writes what no one asked
And feels a little better, feels a little clever
Dave is the kind of guy to lose a friend
Over a board game he doesn't get
Stubs his toe, lets everyone know
That he can do a push-up, then he'll do a push-up

Dave, I feel bad for you
Dave, don't you know it could be better?
Dave
Hmm

Underscore, I am Kate, another underscore
Finds a little fire in her heart
Dave from work does pushups in the dirt
Maybe to impress her, maybe it's his temper
But Kate is the kind of girl to type a name into a
Search bar and she can confirm
Dave079 is an asshole online
And oh, the fire's gone, didn't last that long

Dave, I feel bad for you
Dave, don't you know it could be better?
Dave
Hmm