Little me, my nuts are as small as pearls,
You like to laugh at me because I'm hung just like a squirrel.
Sometimes it bugs me, I'm not a bigger guy,
When I was a baby it was exactly the same size.
But there's nothing I can do,
Cause I only got a 3 inch tool.

Come home with me, have a cocktail at my place,
I gotta tell you before we get past 2nd base.
In my pants, ain't no big schwing,
But if you can find him he's a friendly little thing.
But there's nothing I can do,
I only got a 3 inch tool.
When I'm comming outta the pool,
I only got a 1 inch tool.

Sometimes I wonder if It'll ever extend,
I get embarassed when I'm hanging with my friends.
They like to razz me, I don't know why.
They get me a Happy Meal and super-size my fry.
And there's nothing I can do,
I only got a 3 inch tool.
And when I'm comming outta the pool,
I only got a 1 inch tool.

Yea, it's small but it's real cool,
I'm happy with a 3 inch tool!
I only got a 3 inch tool