Colin Zeal knows the value of mass appeal
He's a pedestrian walker, he's a civil talker
He's an affable man with a plausible plan
Keeps his eye on the news, keeps his future in hand
(And then he)

Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again

He's pleased with himself
He's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself

While sitting in traffic, Colin thinks in automatic
He's an immaculate dresser, he's your common aggressor
Colin's the modern retard with a love of bombast
Keeps his eye on the news, doesn't dwell on the past
(And then he)

Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again

He's pleased with himself
He's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself
He's pleased with himself
He's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself
(And then he)

Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again
Looks at his watch, he's on time yet again

He's pleased with himself
He's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself
He's pleased with himself
He's pleased with himself
He's so pleased with himself

He's pleased with himself (well, he's a modern retard)
He's pleased with himself (he's terminal lard)
He's so pleased with himself (he's an affable man with a carotene tan)
He's pleased with himself ('cause Colin Zeal's ill)
He's pleased with himself (Colin Zeal's ill)
He's so pleased with himself (Colin Zeal's ill)
He's Colin Zeal and he knows