I can see that you and me will have a terrible fallin' out,
No-one at the barbers' ball will know what it's all about!
They'll hear a shot, and see you duck, and when the smoke has cleared away,
Then the band will crawl from behind the stand, and then you'll hear me say;

When i get home i'm gonna change my lock and key,
When you get home you'll find an awful change in me!
If i don't change my mind, another thing you will find;
That your baby maybe has got another baby on the pullman line!

You did your stuff, so get yourself another home,
I said it long enough, so pack your little trunk and roam!
I used to love you once, but you took and made a fool out o' me,
'cause when i get home i'm gonna change this old lock and key!

Take off that suit i bought you!
Gimme that hat and that red vest too!
Take off my watch, gimme my ring,
I want them shoes and everything!
You just got to be the latest squeeze,
When let 'em squeeze you in your bvd's!
If you say much i'll shoot them all,
I'll shoot them all if i hear you call!

'cause when i get home i'm gonna change my lock and key,
When you get home, you'll find place wher home used to be!
And if i don't change my mind, another thing you will find;
That your baby maybe has got another baby, just as good and kind!

You cheated on me, and that's a thing that made me sore,
I'll change that key, i'll get myself another door!
As far as my concern, you're a gypsy, homeless as a flea,
'cause when i get home i'm gonna change my lock and key,
Believe me!