Round the world it's all the same
Children freeze when they hear my name
Krampus please, don't beat me so
But do I listen? Sadly, no

Eighty percent of kids end up turnin' into dirtbags
I just laugh
But Steve, oh Steve, you are the worst
Slap the butt with a branch of birch

Shake them chains 'til your ears go numb
See now just what you've become
Show you that life is pain
Not some silly stupid game

We do it my way
And because you haven't learned your lesson
You get the rod
You get the rod
Swear to God, do not touch me

You see Steve, you don't know anything about pain
Yes I do
Pain is having a girl named Sheila
Walk out on you in the middle of downtown Baltimore
For some guy named Dennis who worked as a mechanic
And made twice as much money as
What?

These are things you know nothing about boy
But I'm here to show you
Ahh, ahh, I'm gonna punish you
You ain't experienced all that I've been through
Sheila said that kid was mine
But it looked just like Dennis
That damn Dennis
And because you haven't learned your lesson
You get the rod
You get the rod