I feel so confident right now
As my friends all ask me how they throw an item or utilise the drift
My character of choice is Yoshi
He can be good off-road but mostly I play him cos he's cute, I'll admit

The race starts … and I stalled!
I stalled the car again
I held A down a bit too early
And all my mates are laughing as they drive right past me
And at this point I remember why I hate Mario Kart Wii

And now I'm stuck in 12th place
I'm gonna lose this race; trailing in Donkey Kong's tyre tracks
So I get a power-up
I don't expect too much, but oh my god, Bullet Bill - now I'm back!
In first place in no time
And my mates can't see why Nintendo would make a game that's so unfair
They're feeling pretty angry, but I'm just princess peachy
I'm winning so I don't really care

But someone gets a blue shell!
And I crash
The kart flips over again
Why don't they put a wall there!?
Nothing I could do but watch it roll into the sea
And at this point I remember why I hate Mario Kart Wii

I'm still in the lead
But they're catching up to me
I'll get a power-up and I'll be fine
Another banana skin
Upside-down boxes wearing thin
I think I had more fun when I was behind
This is the only game I've played
Where winning just feels lame
And losing is where all the fun takes place
And there are no red shells for me
All I have is apathy for this never-ending, three-lap funless race

The game ends - AND I'M SECOND!
I lost the race again
How did he get Invincibility!?
Fucking Waluigi stole my victory
And at this point I remember why I hate Mario Kart Wii

Everybody sing!